At a time when we traditionally think of romance (or a lack of it), it’s a good reminder that our relationships with people have their ups and downs.

This is not only the case for romantic partners.. friends, family, colleagues at work - we all have times when we feel more in sync and supported, and other times when minor things irritate or frustrate us.

Research suggests that the amount and quality of sleep we get can have a profound effect on our relationship with others, yet we may not consciously realise it.

Studies show that we rate strangers as less physically attractive, and less appealing to socialise with, when they’ve had a sleepless night than when we see well-rested photos of the same person.

Facial cues of tiredness can be quite subtle, and yet we can pick out a tired face in seconds: pale skin, swollen eyelids, narrower eyes, or dark circles under the eyes are all reasons to swipe right.

From an evolutionary perspective, this makes sense – our brains instinctively gravitate towards those perceived as healthier, happier and more secure, since they are more likely to support our own survival. Being sleep deprived gives off a signal that something is not quite right.

In fact, sleep deprivation is cue to our own brains and bodies that they may be in danger. If you deprive someone of sleep, the parts of the brain involved in detecting threats become more sensitive, while the ‘pro social’ circuits which promote social interaction are inhibited.

A sleepy person is more likely to choose to stay further away from other people. In fact, one study that tracked mood, sleepiness and social contact over 3 weeks found that a change from feeling very alert, to very sleepy, decreases the odds of social contact that day by 70% (Holding et al 2020).

Sleep deprivation makes us less optimistic and sociable, and worse at understanding and expressing emotions. We feel more irritable, anxious and low, making it harder for us to empathise with others. Couples who are both sleep deprived are more likely to argue. In the workplace, sleep deprived leaders are rated as less charismatic than their sleep-enabled counterparts.

Studies have found that a sleepless manager is more prone to bullying and hostile behaviour. This has a knock on negative impact on their teams who are more likely to become disengaged, and to neglect sleep themselves. Sleeplessness at work can therefore be contagious.

Fortunately, the remedies for tackling poor sleep are straight forward once you make sleep a priority, and you understand the science of how sleep works.

Here are a few ideas to promote positive relationships at work or home this week..

Protect time for sleep - ideally for a minimum of 7 uninterrupted hours in bed. Stick to the same wake up time as often as possible to improve sleep quality.
Get outside for at least 15 minutes in daylight in the morning. Bright light tells the brain that it’s day time, and improves alertness, mood and concentration. If you can’t get outside, at least work by a window. One study found office workers with a window slept for 46 minutes longer than those in a windowless room.
Move your body; 30 minutes of physical activity can improve the depth of your sleep the same day.
Have a warm bath, shower or sauna before bed. Warm water not only helps to relax your muscles, but the body compensates for the external heat by lowering your core body temperature, which helps prepare you for deep sleep.
Put the day to rest. If thoughts often keep you awake in the early hours, get into the habit of writing them down during the day, so that you download them long before you get into bed. Set aside 15 minutes at the end of the work day, or after dinner, to write down what you’ve achieved and what’s coming up tomorrow. Keep a notebook by your bed so that if new thoughts pop up you can write them down.. and then you’ll know it’s safe to let them out of your mind.

This week’s journal post was written by Sleep Evangelist, Dr Sophie Bostock - if you would like to learn more about our sleep offering please click here or drop us an email at hello@thewellnessmovement.co.uk.

Our latest sleep topics include:

Fighting Fatigue: how to manage your energy when you’re under pressure
Sleeping with uncertainty and change
Managing your energy 24/7: how can sleep science help us adapt to shift work
Sleep for Peak Performance: how sleep works, and how to make the most of yours